Supersweet

Hair

A Hirsute History

Ooh... multi-mega split ends!

SUPERSWEET can’t get enough of the dead stuff. Cut it off and it grows back again. However weird that might be in the laws of science, hair is here to stay;  to empower, to civilise, to wax-political and make some of us look like idiots. Here’s a nostalgic hirsuted time-line devoted to the most memorable.

Hair-politic

The Midas

If culture revived ancient Greece, we’d all be rouging our hair with hennas and sprinkling it with gold leaf. Rich! Women continue to adorn hair with faux-flowers and often tacky tiaras. Men still shave their hair, wear it short and occassionally dye it red and sprinkle it with piss.

Don it
A block of henna and gold powder from an art shop will do. Once dyed, style your hair with curls, adorn with plastic flowers and powder.

The Roman

Ovid complained he couldn’t keep track of fashion."Every day brings in a different style."  Roman ladies favoured Grecian styles - buns, chignons and fashion-forward coiffures that vyed for height and attention. Cypriote curls were all the rage anno-domini. Tunics were plain-Jane, so women had to distinguish social standing with locks to rival Diane Pernet.

Don it
Use a dognut for a fuller, rounder bun at the nape. Pull out hair at intervals around the face and curl them.

The Noble

As the centruies creep forward, hairlines crept back. Tudors plucked theirs to achieve a high and ‘noble brow’ – a sign of wealth and nobility. We want to know what’s so noble about looking like an egg.  Remember Lord Percy in Black Adder? Enough to make a chicken shudder.

Don it
Really? You want to look like an egg?

Victorian

What the heck is on your face? “It’s my shrub.” A gentleman may well have professed this during polite conversation, but behind closed doors his beard was a weapon of masculinity, branding women with a unique form of razor-rash code. Elaborate, fully-fashioned shrubs became the focus, since hair was toned down into neat and tidy, waxed and oiled curls, all clipped or slicked back (for men). Incredibly boring after the scaffolded wig-renaissance. Loose hair was considered ‘vulgar’. Either way, as a repressed Victorian you were probably looking for a soft bosom and a quick exit.

Don it
Men: side-part your hair and slick it with highly scented pommade. Grow a shrub. Women: beware of men with dodgy shrubs and perfumed hair.

The Flapper

After centuries of Victorian oppression, the 20s woman transformed into a jazz-swilling, high-hem flicking, automobile-driving tomboy with bobbed hair as a sign of independence and sexual freedom. The look was copied in the 60s by Slade school of Art students, known as ‘croppers’. The Beatles attempted to copy the croppers. Awful confusion.

Don it
You probably already have.

Shaving

Hoorah! It’s finally acceptable to shave one’s pits, legs and bush. Women previously curled armpit hair into smooth locks for men to admire. Hygeine, shorter hems and sleeveless dresses meant baring all. There’s a reason why the armpit is called a ‘pit’.

Don it
If you haven’t shaved in a while, try curling your pit hair into a sleek, oiled lock. Then invite men to sniff it.

The Hitler

A nasty stub of a tash center-lip quickly epitomised the look of a dictator, thanks to the one and only Asshole. With his militant a-symmetrical crop of black hair (sported since birth), Hitler ruled Germany with a razor and a tin of pomade. While Allied barbers feared his ferocious follicles, 21st century emos embraced the look, cutting one side short and dying it black as a symbol of emotional insurrection.

Don it
Ask for an ‘emo’ at the barbers. Asking for a ‘Hitler’ may not invite the same response.

The Hippy

Free Love equalled free hair! Hair roamed natural and mythical, ornamented with flowers, twigs and bits of hemp. Long, unwashed locks illustrated disidence from mainstream society. Society women favoured backcombed beehives set into a helmut with hairspray. Drugs, anyone?

Don it
Get regular trims to help hair grow quicker, or wear a wig and roll around in the hay.

Skinhead

Punks and skins couldn’t afford shampoo, or combs, or a wallet to put their dole money in, so they buzzed it all off and took drugs to justify it. Many glue sniffers lost their hair. Punks used stolen soap to stiffen their mohawks, often dyed with blood and biro ink.

Don it
Ask your mate to shave it all off at a house party. You’ll both be drunk and won’t regret it until morning.

The Jewfro

A portmanteau of the words Jewish and Afro, the Jewfro is a pile of curls from the Ashkenazi Jewish descent, whatever the hell that is. They were firstr sported in the 60s by Jewish flower freaks. Scott Marcus, Judith Rossner and Adrian Grenier's hair have all been referred to as Jewfros. Jewfros and Afros engage in cage fighting to defend their origins.

Don it
Sleep with your damp hair tightly wound around shoe-laces. Remove and back-comb. You may need rhinoplasty to pass as a bonafide Jew.

The Shag

Something about Jennifer Anniston and that ‘shag’ look. The 90s girl would skip into the hairdressers looking all pretty and virginal and she’d come out one hour later looking like a fucking mess. There’s only one other place that can make you look shagged within 60 minutes and we’re not legally permitted to say.

Don it
Layers are like tie-die. GTF over them.

Words: Tiffany Tondut
Illustrations: Amy Ferguson